A Junior Year Reflection

April 23, 2017

It has been a long time since I have written a post to just simply share my thoughts and feelings and so I am excited to do that today. The truth of the matter is I started this blog with no intentions of ever becoming a “blogger” and while I am so grateful that this space has grown so much, I really do miss just writing to write. I started this blog as a space where I could share, reflect and sort out these feelings of college and “adultness”. A space where I could share photos, general life musings and stories. I am hoping to get back to those types of posts.

Junior year is ending quickly and I thought it would be nice to get some of my thoughts and feelings out for this super weird and great year. This school year started well. I finished a successful summer internship, signed a “big girl” job offer that would allow me to live in one of the most dynamic cities in the world for the following summer, packed one suitcase and moved to Europe to study abroad. I traveled, I ate, I explored. I took a TON of photos. I visited 15 countries. I learned more about myself than I even knew was possible. As the semester came to a close, I felt incredibly empty and incredibly full all at once.

When I returned to Wellesley in the spring, life became very different. My complete social circle had shifted since I was gone. I was learning how to balance four really difficult classes, four jobs, extracurricular classes and a social life. There was a point this semester where something had to give. I was burnt out and I was tired. I thought something was so wrong with me that I went to my college’s health services (turns out, sleeping 4 hours every night really does bite you in the butt eventually). So I cut back, I focused more on my health (more on that in a post to come) and I prioritized myself. 

However, I still felt this nagging feeling that I was doing something wrong. I wasn’t passionate about what I was doing in school and I was dreading my summer job. I decided I needed to re-find my passion for life and creativity and so I devoted a huge part of my time to growing my new photography business.

And I realized something.

I realized that I had complete control over what I did, how I spent my time and where I gave my energy. I realized that I didn’t have to do something I wasn’t passionate about.

So I quit my fancy, summer job. Yep, without a back up plan, I changed my whole trajectory. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. Most people were very supportive. Other people thought I was “ruining my future”. However, the minute I sent in the resignation, I felt a lightness come over me that I hadn’t felt in months.

There are two weeks left in the semester and two days ago, I signed a summer job offer that I am incredibly excited about.

The moral of this story, and as cheesy as it sounds, is that you are the master of your own destiny. You have the control to say “never mind, I don’t want to do this anymore”. And that is the most powerful and liberating feeling in the world.

Until next time. xoxo

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