I’m a planner. There is no doubt about that. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have a five and ten year plan. Yet, I hate that. I want to be carefree, to live my life not worrying about the next step. My mom always says to me “don’t plan too far ahead, you never know what may come your way”. And this is true, life is full of curve balls that you won’t see coming.
Before college, the path was set. All I had in mind during high school was getting good grades so I could get into a good college. I had thoughts about life beyond that, but they weren’t pressing. But now they are.
Why? I have two years left of college. I should be in no rush. Yet, I have this nagging feeling deep down that if I don’t have a plan, then I will fail. Recently (and by recently I mean the last few months), I have grown up a lot. I have lived on my own for the first time in my life, learning to navigate rent payments and grocery store runs. I have learned what it means to be lonely, to spend nights where my only companion is my blogging and a pint of ice cream. I have doubted my path, and questioned my passions. And I have grown. A lot.
I have realized that the most important thing you can do is listen to your heart and that will guide you. Recently, I have had to make some tough decisions where my brain was overshadowing my heart and gut. I had to figure out how to shut everything off and just listen to what my heart wanted. And it has been tough because my whole life I have tried so hard to be logical and methodical-things my brain has helped with.
I know I will always be a planner, but I have decided that my goal this semester will be to listen to my heart more and to remember that things always work themselves out. I may not know where I am going, but I know where I want to be.